taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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