If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
