i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
