i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
