I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
