Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
