i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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