oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
