The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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