just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
