New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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