I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
