I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
