it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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