i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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