Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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