I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
