There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
