if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
