Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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