he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
