Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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