Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
