what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
