Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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