You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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