It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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