she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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