The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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