a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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