absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
