I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
