the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Operation Purity has been aborted
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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