Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
