I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
