Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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