so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
