lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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