she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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