Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
