I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
