A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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