Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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