I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
