Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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