I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
