I don't usually arrange sex via text message
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
