What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i love accidental penises.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
