I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
