I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
