oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
