she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
