oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
