dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
