i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
