I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
