made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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