I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
