All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
