i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
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mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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