I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
