Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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