There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
