I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
