I have demons in me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
