Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
