You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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