Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
