Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
