I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
