Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
