Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
