the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
