i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
