K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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