peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize