the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
