i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
